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Chapter One
The telephone on Anna Farmer’s desk rang. And rang. She ignored
it, focusing on the spreadsheet she had to update for an eleven
o’clock meeting. Gerry, her impatient, often irate boss, had
already been in her office once to ream her out for her tardiness,
and she certainly wasn’t looking for a replay of that Maalox
moment.
The stubborn caller refused to hang up. After what seemed like the
zillionth ring, when Anna couldn’t stand the jangling any longer,
she picked up. Cradling the receiver between her chin and
shoulder, her eyes still riveted on her computer screen, she
snapped, “Sullivan Agency.”
“Mrs. Farmer?” an all-too-familiar voice asked.
Anna’s vision blurred. Her fingers slipped off the keyboard. The
neat rows of numbers on the screen no longer seduced her with
their orderliness. There was no such thing as order. Order was an
illusion—at least in her life. And now things were about to get
worse. The question was how much worse. Her son’s guidance
counselor was on the line, which meant that Nick was in trouble
again.
“Mrs. Farmer? Are you there? This is Sylvia Blackmun.”
Anna signed wearily. “Yes, Ms. Blackmun. I know it’s you. What did
my wonderful son do this time?”
“I’m so sorry to disturb you at work, but I’m afraid Nick has been
suspended for a week. You’ll have to come over to the high school
and get him.”
This was not what Anna needed. Something had to be wrong with that
boy. School had been in session less than a month and he was
already in trouble. Why couldn’t he leave her in peace?
Turning her pent-up rage at her boss and her son—and even at her
husband for dying and leaving her with more than she could
handle—on the hapless counselor, she spat out, “I don’t think so.
Tell Nick to walk his sorry butt home, or have one of his juvenile
delinquent friends give him a ride. I have a job to do.” She
slammed down the telephone.
Wishing she were one of those cartoon characters who could
decompress by blowing out steam from her ears, Anna stalked over
to the coffee machine. With unsteady hands, she picked up the
carafe and began pouring herself a cup.
The phone jangled. She jumped, spilling coffee on the new carpet.
Gerry would kill her if she put a permanent stain in it. Cursing
under her breath, she grabbed a handful of napkins and dropped to
her hands and knees to sponge up the mess. Every time the ringer
sounded, her anger spiraled upward. By the time she returned to
her desk and picked up the receiver, she couldn’t have said a
civil word to the caller, even if it had turned out to be the
Pope.
“Yes?” she snarled.
“I’m really sorry to bother you again, Mrs. Farmer, but you have
to come in to my office and sign Nick out. We can only release him
to a parent or guardian.”
“Great! Well, he’ll have to wait. I’ll get over there as soon as I
can.”
She dropped the phone in its cradle and settled into her chair.
Straightening her spine, forcing herself to concentrate on her
computer screen, she churned out the document Gerry needed with
only moments to spare. Once she delivered the final product into
his eager hands, she returned to her desk, pushed aside a pile of
papers, and let her head sink onto her folded arms.
The last thing she wanted to do was head up to the school and face
Nick. She hated scenes, and her son was a pro at creating them.
Hearing a soft knock on her door, she jerked her head up. Carol,
her best friend and the agency’s art director, pushed the door
open and poked her head inside.
“Hi, there.” An avid gardener like Anna, she approached the desk,
a library book in her hands. “I thought you might like to look at
this before I returned it. It’s got a great section on keeping
pests out of your garden without using poisons or insecticides.”
Anna didn’t even feign interest in the book. She put her head back
down on her arms.
“What’s the matter, sweetie? Having a bad morning? Can I help you
release some of the tension?” Carol moved behind Anna and began
massaging her shoulders. “A quick back rub will make you feel
better.”
For a few minutes, the friends remained in comfortable silence.
Finally Carol spoke. “You have a pressure point right here.” She
dug her thumb into a particularly sore area to the left of Anna’s
shoulder blade.
“Ow! That hurts!”
“Good. That means I got the right spot. Now, just take it easy,
and let my magic hands do their job.”
Anna soon relaxed enough to tell her friend about Ms. Blackmun's
calls.
“So what did Nicky do to get suspended?” Carol gently prodded.
“I don’t know. I was so mad at the little shit I forgot to ask.”
“I hope he didn’t get caught with drugs or something awful like
that.”
“I don’t think so. That’s an automatic expulsion, isn’t it?
Knowing Nick, he probably went off on his Spanish teacher again.
He really hates that woman. I just hope he didn’t get violent.”
“Oh, come on, Anna. I’ve known Nicky since he was in grade school.
He’s not the violent type.”
“I don’t know about that. The way he’s been acting lately, I
wouldn’t put anything past him.”
Carol’s hands slowed. “He’s never hurt you, has he?”
“Not physically, no.”
Carol swept her hands up and down Anna’s spine and then squeezed
her shoulders. “Okay, I’m done. I’ve gotten the knots out.” She
settled her round derriere in a chair by the desk.
Stretching her arms over her head, Anna glanced at her friend.
Instead of finding solace in Carol’s kind expression, jealousy
gnawed at her. It wasn’t fair. Carol had a loving husband and
grown twin daughters who adored her. Tracey and Ellen had probably
never given their mother a moment of trouble. Anna couldn’t
imagine the twins treating Carol and her husband with the
disrespect Nick showed her.
Anna took a deep breath, forcing her unkind thoughts out of her
head. The last thing she needed now was to compromise her
relationship with her best friend. “I might as well stop putting
off the inevitable and go get him. I can’t wait to find out what
my darling son has done this time.”
“I’ll cover for you with Gerry. He should be in that meeting with
the CEO of Footwear Unlimited until at least noon.”
“I’ll be back by then.”
“Aye, aye, Cap’n. If ye need anything, yer matey be at yer
service!” Carol rolled up a piece of paper and held the funnel to
her mouth. “Launch the long boats, men,” she called out.
Anna laughed, and the tension inside her released another notch.
She could never stay mad when Carol was around. With her good
heart and oddball sense of humor, the woman could charm the
diamonds off a rattler. Carol was the only person who could give
Anna advice without risking her friend’s wrath, and she was a pro
at rescuing Anna from her dark moods.
**************************************************
In the car, Anna began to worry about her son’s latest screw-up.
What could Nick have done to land him a week’s suspension? Had he
gotten into a fight or threatened a teacher the way he sometimes
threatened her? Since his father had died, his behavior had
steadily worsened, and she no longer trusted him. His volatility
and unpredictability made him seem capable of anything.
Where had her sweet little boy gone? In elementary and middle
school, Nick was an excellent student and an enthusiastic—if not
particularly talented—athlete. His teachers loved him, and Anna
glowed with pride over his accomplishments. However, when Kevin
died, he left her with a twelve-year-old boy just entering
puberty. She had known little about adolescent boys and their
development, other than that they needed strong male role
models—not her specialty. Since then, her son had become
uncontrollable. He no longer cared about grades or what adults
thought of him, and he had dropped out of sports completely. The
thing she hated most about the “new” Nick was his attitude. He was
ornery and antagonistic, fighting anyone he perceived to be an
authority figure. Especially his mother.
To make matters worse, now that his high school had merged with a
school in the rougher part of the township, he’d started hanging
out with a new crowd. She didn’t know any of the other parents or
what morals they might be teaching their kids. God only knew what
influence his peer group was having on Nick.
When Anna noticed a police car pass her on the other side of the
street, she automatically slowed. The cruiser made a U-turn, and
came up behind her, red and blue lights flashing. She pulled over
to allow it to pass. To her astonishment, the cop car followed her
to the curb. Her heart began to race. What had she done?
She rolled down the window of her ten-year-old Saab and looked up
into the unlined face of an officer who looked to be in his
twenties, his blue uniform shirt stretching across an already
bulging belly.
“May I see your license, registration, and proof of insurance,
please, ma’am?”
“Did I do something wrong, officer? I didn’t go through a stop
sign, did I? I’m in a rush. Maybe I missed something.”
The police officer pointed to the corner of her windshield. “Your
inspection sticker expired last month.”
Big frigging deal, she wanted to shout at him. Don’t you have
anything better to do than harass law-abiding citizens? Instead,
she bit the inside of her cheek and reached into the glove
compartment for her documents. As she handed them over, she looked
up at the young officer and forced a smile. “I’m a single mother
with a demanding job. I'm really, really busy. Do you think you
could cut me a break? Maybe just give me a warning or something?”
The oaf acted as though he hadn’t heard a word she’d said. “I’ll
be back as soon as I run these through the computer.”
Five minutes later, he returned clasping a hundred-dollar ticket
in his fist. When she saw the amount of the fine, Anna slipped out
of shock into anger. She bit her tongue to keep from saying
something nasty to the police officer.
The final affront came when the cop said, “Have a nice day,” and
turned to head back to his cruiser. Unable to control herself,
Anna mumbled, “Screw you.”
The officer stopped in mid-stride, and Anna’s heart skipped a
beat. He swung around and removed his sunglasses to give her a
severe look. She smiled weakly, waved, and turned the key in the
ignition. The Saab roared to life. As she eased back into traffic,
she forced herself to stay below the speed limit the rest of the
way to Nick’s school.
**************************************************
“Screw him! He’s an ass****!” Nick exclaimed, coming out of his
seat in the counselor’s office.[i]
Ms. Blackmun reached for his hand. “It’s okay, Nick. I understand
that things have really changed around here since the kids from
Lincoln came over to our campus. We’re all going through a period
of adjustment.”
He sank back in his seat, trying to swallow his anger at the
injustice of the situation. Ms. Blackmun was cool. She had always
been straight with him. “It’s not the new kids that are the
problem. It’s that jerk Thompson. He can’t stand the fact that his
upper middle class suburban school is being overrun by townies.
He’s running Shady Hill like a drill sergeant and suspending
anyone who disagrees with him.”
“Is that what you really, honestly believe, Nick? That the
principal suspended you because you were one of the leaders of the
sit-in? Why didn’t any of the other kids get in trouble the way
you did?”
He knew what his counselor was trying to do. She wanted him to
admit that he’d been wrong to lose it when the assistant principal
and the stupid gym teacher had tried to carry him out of the
principal’s office. Sure he’d fought them. They had no right to
put their hands on him.
He glared at his counselor. “Yeah. That’s what I think. He doesn’t
want me in this school because I paid attention in Social Studies
class last year when we learned about Martin Luther King and civil
disobedience.”
He could tell by her surprised look that Ms. Blackmun hadn’t seen
that one coming. Nick sat up straighter and puffed out his chest.
Despite his anger at the principal for suspending him, he still
felt buzzed about the success of the sit-in he’d helped organize.
By storming into his office and taking over, they had really
shocked Thompson. Maybe he’d think twice before inviting the cops
back to Shady Hill to break into lockers and violate the students’
civil rights.
Ms. Blackmun pinned him with a stern look. “Did any teacher ever
tell you that Dr. King or Mahatma Gandhi kicked, bit or swore at
an arresting officer?”
Nick’s eyes dropped to the floor, and he slumped back into his
chair. Ms. Blackmun had a point. He shouldn’t have lost control
when they tried to evict him from Thompson’s office. His mother
always warned him that his mouth would get him into trouble if he
didn’t learn to turn it off. Still, what he had done was nothing
compared to what the adults were doing to his school.
Since he couldn’t figure out how to talk his way out of admitting
he’d made a mistake, Nick clammed up. No point digging himself
into an even deeper hole.
There was a sharp rap on the door. His whole body tensed in
preparation for his mother’s grand entrance. Now the crap would
really hit the fan.
“Here’s the lunch you ordered, Sylvia,” a woman’s raspy voice
announced. Nick looked up, relief flooding through him at the
sight of the middle-aged hall monitor who entered the small office
and put a tray on the desk.
“Thank you, Nancy.”
Once the woman left, Ms. Blackmun pushed the tray toward Nick.
“Help me eat this?” she asked. Two cartons of chocolate milk, a
tuna hoagie, chips, and a side salad sat on the tray.
Surprised, Nick looked up at his small, wiry counselor. “You eat
all this for lunch?”
She laughed. “I have a good metabolism. Now let’s eat.”
**************************************************
Anna arrived at the high school, her head pounding and her nerves
shot. Work deadlines, the cost of a hundred-dollar ticket she
couldn’t afford plus the expense of getting her car inspected, and
another embarrassing trip to bail Nick out of trouble weighed
heavily on her heart. She didn’t know how much more she could
take.
Once inside the expansive two-story brick building, Anna found the
girls’ room. She needed a few minutes to get herself together
before facing her son and his advisor. Leaning over the sink to
check her makeup, she overheard two students talking between
stalls.
“I think what the cops did was really screwed up. They shouldn’t
have opened those kids’ lockers without their permission,” one
girl stated. “Isn’t that illegal?”
“I don’t know why you’re so upset. It’s not like any of our
friends got caught. The cops only picked on the new kids from
Lincoln.”
“Yeah, but what if they bring in drug-sniffing dogs next time?
What if one of them smells weed on me?”
Her friend laughed. “If you’re so worried about it, then stop
smoking pot with Jason in the parking lot every morning before
homeroom.”
A toilet flushed. Quickly, so the girls wouldn’t think she’d been
eavesdropping, Anna slipped out the door. From the little she’d
heard, she had a pretty strong suspicion that Nick had challenged
the authorities during the police raid. He was always railing
against the system, as if any one person could really change the
status quo. If, as the girls said, the cops had targeted only the
new kids from Lincoln, then her brilliant son had probably gotten
himself in trouble by defending one of his new loser friends from
across town.
When Anna walked into the administrative suite, the secretary at
the front desk waved her through. She approached Ms. Blackmun’s
office and took a deep breath before knocking.
“Come in,” a voice called out.
Anna opened the door and poked her head in. The school counselor,
who was in her mid- to late-twenties, sat at her desk sharing a
tray of cafeteria food with Nick. The cozy scene brought home to
Anna that her only child could still charm the pants off adults
when it suited him.
If only he would stop fighting her and settle down, their lives
would be so much simpler. The direction Nick was headed, he
wouldn’t make it through high school, let alone college. And he
needed a college education to become a professional and avoid the
trap she had gotten herself into—working at a menial job she hated
for a paycheck she desperately needed. He had to start listening
to her before it was too late.
When he craned his neck to look at her, she asked, “So, Nick,
what’s going on?” Remembering what Dr. Elliot, the psychologist
Nick had seen several times, had told her about building trust by
withholding judgment, she tried not to jump down her son's throat.
Instead, she forced a smile and went for a touch of humor. “What
am I bailing you out for this time?”
Nick threw his half-eaten hoagie down, his hostile glare spearing
her with its fierceness. “Jesus Christ. Can’t you, just once, cut
me a break? Why don’t you trust me? You always think I’m guilty of
some terrible crime before you hear my side of the story. God, I
hate you!”[ii]
He stood up, his fists clenched at his sides.
The counselor rose from her chair. She grabbed his forearm. “Hey,
Nick. You’ve had an upsetting morning. Why don’t you sit down and
tell your mom what happened?”
Nick turned to Ms. Blackmun, who was gazing warmly at him. He
slumped back into his chair, his long, skinny legs sprawled out in
front of him and his arms crossed over his chest.
Anna took the seat the counselor indicated and waited. Nick stared
at her. Mixed in with his defiant I-dare-you-to-say-anything look,
she caught a glimpse of the insecure little boy who still wanted
her approval. Somewhat reassured, she waited to hear what he had
to say.
“The cops were here this morning. Our brilliant principal, who
thinks he’s running a prison camp, invited them in to check for
drugs. It was bad enough that the cops invaded our privacy by
forcing open lockers, but then Thompson had the nerve to expel a
bunch of kids from Lincoln on the spot. They’d only been here a
month, but he didn’t even give them a warning.”
So, Anna thought, her assumption had been correct. Nick was all
bent out of shape about the police action because some of his new
friends had been kicked out.
A tremendous wave of guilt rolled over Anna. This was all her
fault. She had let her son hang out with the wrong crowd. Now he
would be labeled a troublemaker for the rest of his time at this
school. He’d never get into a decent college.[iii]
She turned to her son, who was studying a framed diploma on the
wall. “Look at me, Nick.” He reluctantly turned in her direction,
his eyes filled with defiant anger. What did he have to be pissed
about? She was the one who should be furious. “Were you searched?
Those ‘supposed’ friends you’ve been hanging out with, they were
the ones who got expelled, weren’t they?” She heard her voice
rising in decibels, the accusations she had tried to staunch
flowing freely now. “How many times have I told you to stay away
from that crowd, that they would bring you down?”
This time Ms. Blackmun wasn’t fast enough to grab him. Nick
bounded from his chair and bolted for the door.
The counselor jumped to her feet. “You can’t leave school grounds
until your mother and I are finished here. Come on, Nick. Don’t
get yourself in any more trouble.”
“Screw you!” he shouted. He threw open the door and ran out. The
door slammed against the wall, then swung back.[iv]
Anna looked at the counselor. Shaken, she asked, “What did I say
that was so bad? What did I do wrong?”
Ms. Blackmun’s calm countenance had disappeared. Her face flushed,
she tapped nervously with her pencil on her desk calendar. “I’m
not sure exactly what set him off, but your son is very sensitive
to anything that might be construed as an injustice. I think he
felt you falsely accused him and his friends of something they
didn’t do.”
Anna cleared her throat. “But I was right, wasn’t I? Some of the
students who were expelled had to be his buddies.”
“I don’t think so. If they were, Nick never mentioned it to me.
He’s a smart kid, Mrs. Farmer. He’s quite capable of seeing the
larger picture. I think he got upset about the police
search-and-seizure operation this morning for exactly the reason
he told you. He felt the police unfairly targeted the new kids and
violated their right to privacy.”
What? If Nick and his friends hadn’t been affected by the police
operation, then why was her son in trouble?
Ms. Blackmun answered the question before Anna could ask. “Nick
helped organize a student sit-in at the principal’s office. When
the kids were asked to leave, the other students went peacefully,
but your son refused to go. The vice-principal and the sports
director had to forcibly remove him. He gave them quite a fight
and slung more than a few choice words at them.” She shrugged her
shoulders. “Frankly, I think Nick handled himself admirably until
that final altercation. He wasn’t afraid of voicing his opinion,
and he had some valid points. However, after it was all over, Mr.
Thompson had no choice but to suspend him.”
Anna couldn’t believe her ears. This bubble-brained school
counselor actually felt empathy for Nick. Obviously too close to
her own teen years, the young thing failed to see how damaging
Nick’s anti-authoritarian behaviors could be to his future. It
wouldn’t have been so bad if he had just gone along with the other
protesters, but Nick always had to be different, more out there
than his peers.[v]
As usual, her son had only been thinking of himself and his high
and mighty principles. He hadn’t thought for even a microsecond
about her or her reputation in the community. What if people at
work caught wind of his suspension? They’d blame her and talk
about her behind her back. They’d say she was a failure as a
mother.[vi]
The harsh beeping of her cell phone interrupted Anna’s thoughts.
She checked the caller ID and frowned.
“Excuse me a minute. My office is on the line.”
Luckily, she took Carol’s call sitting down.
“May Day. May Day. Get back here quick, Cap’n. All hell’s broken
loose. Upland Petroleum wants its ad campaign completely revamped
by Friday. This Friday. As in four working days from today.”
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” Anna snapped the phone shut.
“I need to get going. You said you had papers for me to sign?”
“But—“
Before the counselor could give her a hard time about Nick’s
absence, Anna gave the young woman her steeliest glare and added,
“I’m sure Nick hasn’t left the campus. He’s too lazy to walk home.
He’s probably waiting by the car for me.”
The counselor handed over the documents. Once everything was
settled, Anna said goodbye and headed for the parking lot.
**************************************************
[i] Nick's comment is very similar to a comment Anna made earlier
to the police officer, but Anna does not see in her behavior a
model for Nick's anti-authority behavior. Anna is not yet aware
that she has issues with authority.
[ii] You get what you expect. Parents and children often
"pigeon-hole" each other and make snap judgments based on previous
patterns of behavior. Here, an attempt by Anna to change old
patterns (e.g., to act with greater compassion and understanding)
is quickly discounted as insincere by Nick, who has reason to
distrust his mother's intentions. To avoid sounding judgmental and
accusatory, instead of asking, "What am I bailing you out for this
time?” Anna could have simply stated, "Tell me what happened."
Even an accusatory tone of voice can trigger a teen's negative
reaction to a parent's words.
[iii] Parents can take too much responsibility for their child's
behavior. Although they are very important in their child's social
and moral development-particularly in the younger years-the media,
schooling, personal experiences, knowledge, and peer groups also
influence behavior. Feeling guilty for not being perfect parents
does nothing to help the situation and typically adds tension to
the relationship.
[iv] Should the school punish Nick for his behavior? If so, what
would it accomplish? When a teen is punished for expressing his
anger and hurt, he can misperceive these expressions of emotion as
being "wrong," leading to difficulties expressing feelings, or
even identifying them, as an adult. Modeling healthy ways of
expressing feelings, then coaching the adolescent in this process,
will be more productive than punishing him.
[v] Children who hold onto anger at their parents often generalize
these feelings and project them onto other authority figures,
becoming overly sensitive to those who have power over them. This
is a major reason why so many children have "authority issues."
Teens who have little tolerance for perceived injustice run into
many difficulties because life is inherently not always "fair."
[vi] Anna is afraid other parents are judging her for her son's
actions because she sees Nick's behaviors as a reflection of her
parental worthiness. She is ignoring the many other influences on
young adults (personality type, peer group, schooling,
environment, experiences, etc.). By not taking Nick's behavior
personally, Anna will be in a better position to respond
objectively and, thus, effectively to his misbehavior.
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